Well guys and gals, it’s that time of year again. Time to give thanks for everything we have and everyone special that helps carry us through this journey known as life. And what better way to do so than stuffing our faces with turkey, mounds of mashed potatoes, piles of corn, dumplings and one slice of each kind of pie sitting atop the checkered apron covered table. After the binge fest is done, we gravitate toward the couch, chair or open floor space to watch the Detroit Lions or Dallas Cowboys heave a football up and down a field while drifting off into the best nap of the year.
Once the sleeping pill effects of the meal wear off, we sluggishly shuffle to bed so we can get up in four hours to join the mosh pit about to turn stampede outside Wal-Mart. Some are lucky enough that they sleep all the way to 3 a.m. and just get up like normal and venture out in search of that sixty inch LCD HDTV. I bet some whacky owner of a retail store planned this out perfectly. They shared the common Thanksgiving experience, fell asleep, came to at four in the morning and decided it would be a fantastic time to shop! They kept all this excitement bottled up for a year and when mid-November rolled around they announced that they would be slashing prices for one day! And that day was the Friday after Thanksgiving! Perfect for Christmas shopping! The catch... it starts at 4 a.m.
When this little bomb dropped it spread like wildfire and caught the attention of every company owner from the docks of the Northeast to the beaches of Hawaii. Now we have what is called Black Friday. It’s a disaster of a “holiday” where adults that are hopped up on too much caffeine make the uneducated choice of bringing their five-year-old to the outlet mall. So it’s Tammy shouting at the top of her lungs for little Jeffrey to get back in the cart while daddy browses electronics with a blank look on his face. If you’re familiar with my blogs, I wrote something about it last year. It was mainly a dumb little how-to guide on surviving the crazy shoppers. So why write about it again? Such a fascinating topic can’t be ignored… I think.
I’ve had time to sit back and let thoughts bounce around in my head so I can get a better view of the brave Black Friday warriors. I’ve come up with a new theory during the past few weeks. These early bird shoppers are not much different than hunters. You know; the camouflage clad, gun toting, animal shootin’ gangsters of the woods. Chances are that you either hunt or know people that do so. These folks get up when the bar crowd is stumbling in just to tip-toe their way to some debacle of a tree fort in the forest so they MIGHT shoot some defenseless animal (Defenseless as in they literally are without weapon). When the potential animal is dead they drag it back to their F-250, load it up, strap it down, call it a day’s work and head back (enjoy some stereotypes).
Black Friday warriors (their new nickname courtesy of me) a.k.a. fanny pack wearin’, double shot latté chuggin’, cart pushin’ crazy people get up at the same time as those hunter dudes. No helpless little animal in their sights though, just a GPS, TV, some wicked new phone or the latest in fashion. They gather in a group outside the doors of retail stores around the country and wait like Usain Bolt on the starting block listening for a “POP!” so they can rush the doors. With the ferocity of a wild animal protecting their young and the focus of an assassin they rush the target. Throwing out an occasional white sneaker to impede another’s progress is commonplace during this hunt. No retreat, no surrender!! Getting to said target might seem like mission impossible but it’s merely half the battle. Now they have to apply some stiff arms, spin moves and possibly lower a shoulder to find the checkout line which is backed up to the freezer section.
Even making it to the end of this line is no treat because a very gruff and disinterested cashier who had to make their eggs a little too early waits for them. After making it through the labyrinth of a store, the BFWs (Black Friday Warriors) have to run their new toys out to the car, pack it up and avoid playing bumper cars in the parking lot. The work still isn’t done though. They have to unload the merchandise and for those who didn’t bring the kid, hide it while keeping junior in the dark about the shenanigans going on. This is one tough task as the little ones like to poke around. And now, now it’s time to relax. Oh wait! The dishes from the day before are still scattered on the counter and piled up in the sink. The BFW’s work never ends.
I hope you enjoyed the little blog and truly have a happy Thanksgiving (and Black Friday). Cherish the time you have with your family, friends, and take a second to breathe in order to tolerate that one relative who just stirs the pot. Besides, they’re entertainment so have fun. Most of all, be safe and love the ones you’re with. Until next time. God Bless.
Enjoyed reading...keep writing. -Lexy
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