For Those About to Shop, We Salute You

Well guys and gals, it’s that time of year again. Time to give thanks for everything we have and everyone special that helps carry us through this journey known as life. And what better way to do so than stuffing our faces with turkey, mounds of mashed potatoes, piles of corn, dumplings and one slice of each kind of pie sitting atop the checkered apron covered table. After the binge fest is done, we gravitate toward the couch, chair or open floor space to watch the Detroit Lions or Dallas Cowboys heave a football up and down a field while drifting off into the best nap of the year.

Once the sleeping pill effects of the meal wear off, we sluggishly shuffle to bed so we can get up in four hours to join the mosh pit about to turn stampede outside Wal-Mart. Some are lucky enough that they sleep all the way to 3 a.m. and just get up like normal and venture out in search of that sixty inch LCD HDTV. I bet some whacky owner of a retail store planned this out perfectly. They shared the common Thanksgiving experience, fell asleep, came to at four in the morning and decided it would be a fantastic time to shop! They kept all this excitement bottled up for a year and when mid-November rolled around they announced that they would be slashing prices for one day! And that day was the Friday after Thanksgiving! Perfect for Christmas shopping! The catch... it starts at 4 a.m.

When this little bomb dropped it spread like wildfire and caught the attention of every company owner from the docks of the Northeast to the beaches of Hawaii. Now we have what is called Black Friday. It’s a disaster of a “holiday” where adults that are hopped up on too much caffeine make the uneducated choice of bringing their five-year-old to the outlet mall. So it’s Tammy shouting at the top of her lungs for little Jeffrey to get back in the cart while daddy browses electronics with a blank look on his face. If you’re familiar with my blogs, I wrote something about it last year. It was mainly a dumb little how-to guide on surviving the crazy shoppers. So why write about it again? Such a fascinating topic can’t be ignored… I think.

I’ve had time to sit back and let thoughts bounce around in my head so I can get a better view of the brave Black Friday warriors. I’ve come up with a new theory during the past few weeks. These early bird shoppers are not much different than hunters. You know; the camouflage clad, gun toting, animal shootin’ gangsters of the woods. Chances are that you either hunt or know people that do so. These folks get up when the bar crowd is stumbling in just to tip-toe their way to some debacle of a tree fort in the forest so they MIGHT shoot some defenseless animal (Defenseless as in they literally are without weapon). When the potential animal is dead they drag it back to their F-250, load it up, strap it down, call it a day’s work and head back (enjoy some stereotypes).

Black Friday warriors (their new nickname courtesy of me) a.k.a. fanny pack wearin’, double shot latté chuggin’, cart pushin’ crazy people get up at the same time as those hunter dudes. No helpless little animal in their sights though, just a GPS, TV, some wicked new phone or the latest in fashion. They gather in a group outside the doors of retail stores around the country and wait like Usain Bolt on the starting block listening for a “POP!” so they can rush the doors. With the ferocity of a wild animal protecting their young and the focus of an assassin they rush the target. Throwing out an occasional white sneaker to impede another’s progress is commonplace during this hunt. No retreat, no surrender!! Getting to said target might seem like mission impossible but it’s merely half the battle. Now they have to apply some stiff arms, spin moves and possibly lower a shoulder to find the checkout line which is backed up to the freezer section.

Even making it to the end of this line is no treat because a very gruff and disinterested cashier who had to make their eggs a little too early waits for them. After making it through the labyrinth of a store, the BFWs (Black Friday Warriors) have to run their new toys out to the car, pack it up and avoid playing bumper cars in the parking lot. The work still isn’t done though. They have to unload the merchandise and for those who didn’t bring the kid, hide it while keeping junior in the dark about the shenanigans going on. This is one tough task as the little ones like to poke around. And now, now it’s time to relax. Oh wait! The dishes from the day before are still scattered on the counter and piled up in the sink. The BFW’s work never ends.

I hope you enjoyed the little blog and truly have a happy Thanksgiving (and Black Friday). Cherish the time you have with your family, friends, and take a second to breathe in order to tolerate that one relative who just stirs the pot. Besides, they’re entertainment so have fun. Most of all, be safe and love the ones you’re with. Until next time. God Bless.

In the Defense of Geeks

Every day people around the world wake up, roll out of bed and into their house slippers, put on something extra to escape the cold of morning, eat some Cheerios; fight the urge to call in sick and apathetically get in their vehicles. With a belly full of boxed goodness and a black coffee thermos they move through stop-and-go traffic grumbling about the light that is NEVER green for them. After pulling into the parking lot and finally discovering that elusive space, they shut the car down and trudge to their place of employment. For some, the journey to work every morning isn’t so exhausting but it seems the majority doesn’t share their enthusiasm.

Throughout the day people dodge supervisors like they’re turtle shells in a game of Mario except, in this case, there isn’t a magic star that plays a catchy jingle which carries them to clock out time. Once that is about to come around, everyone is a fifth grader with a toe kissing their chair leg on a Friday at 3:59. BOOM! Parking lots turn into carnival bumper cars and traffic backs up like water in a folded garden hose.

People who once dreamt of becoming astronauts, cops, rock stars, pro athletes and knights, have settled on a less than spacious gray cubicle. I’m not at all saying it’s a bad thing, just the way of the world. Whether it is financial reasons or lack of talent, along the way people are persuaded to give up on potential and nestle into a career they barely or never considered. I’ve never understood the concept of “settling” until now. Living outside of my Mom’s house and forced to pay rent, among other bills, I finally understand why people fall into jobs. When push comes to shove, it all has to be paid.

I recently read an article about a team of videogame players that won a Halo tournament where they received $700,000! That’s right; people played a game and won nearly a million dollars! Crazy! Wait a second Adam; pro football players do the same thing. Yeah, well those roided –out ball handling jack rabbits get enough attention already. Don’t get me wrong, I love football but I have my opinions and that’s for another blog folks.

Seeing this article about gamers led me to bunch them with LARPRS, or Live Action Role Players. To many people, these LARPRS are the pure definition of the word “geek.” They dress up like knights in King Arthur’s Court and pretend to slay each other in a nearby park where fake castles are constructed. The winner of these fictional fights receives the glory of Achilles until the group gathers again so a new ruler can be crowned.

In our culture people like this are seen as “geeks” and ridiculed by the masses. While we accept a bunch of overgrown adult males throwing a brown ball down a field, we reject those who dress in mock medieval attire and smack people with fake swords. Are these activities really that different? I think not. There isn’t any significance attached to dudes wearing tight pants and matching shirts throwing or carrying a ball from one side of a big field to the other. Just like grown men jabbing each other with foam swords isn’t really important. The only difference is that the majority has declared football an acceptable form of entertainment.

There isn’t a beef with football here, just an admiration of the minority who decided to say “screw what others think, I’m gonna do what makes me happy.” No cubicles, just a bunch of people who kept the dream of being something other than society’s dog and pony act. With no cameras rolling, no audiences viewing and no money coming their way, the LARPR faithful join each other in sharing the spirit of ten year olds. There isn’t money involved, just B-movie acting (at best) and people with a common ideal getting together.

I find this simple crap so awesome it’s crazy. People who kept the childhood ideas of fake worlds and characters alive are to be admired. Don’t sit there and criticize me because you know you want to go back to age nine and kill the bad guys holding up your fort. This is the type of “I don’t really care” attitude that I want to adopt. They like what makes them happy and that’s what matters. So what if they’re happy going against the so called norms of society? They’re not fake reality TV buffoons that do what everyone else wants so they can make a dollar, just real people that love acting out of character for a day.

There have been so many times in my life where I’ve given in to peer pressure or thrown away things I like just to fit in or please others. I like movies, music and TV shows that others might not feel is “acceptable” but that’s fine, I like them. Life is simpler when people shed their semi-fake exterior and get down to what is real. We all have our quirks and insecurities to hide behind but who really cares? It’s crazy how much we can be alike when you get down to it. Until next time. God bless.